Challenge unhelpful thoughts

If you have unhelpful thoughts before or during a social situation, it may help to recognise that these thoughts are not facts. You may believe them, but it is still good to question them. By challenging your thoughts with these questions, you can begin to change how you feel before a social situation.

For example, if you think people will stare at you, try reframing this thought. Remember that you do not know how people will react or what they are thinking - you are making assumptions based on your anxiety.

Or you may worry that you will have nothing to say. Challenge this unhelpful thought with the fact that you cannot predict the future and do not know what people will be talking about.

Shift your focus

When nervous, we often think about our bodily sensations. People overestimate how visible the signs of their anxiety are, as you are much more aware of this than anyone around you. This can make us more anxious and self-conscious, increasing physical signs and sensations. If you find yourself focusing on how you feel and the sensations, not on what is happening around you, you can use these tips to manage this:

• Look around at other people and see if you can spot if anyone is visibly anxious. Usually, it is much less visible than you imagine, even if you look for it. Allow yourself to acknowledge that you are not a good judge of how visible your anxiety is.

• Remember that people are not actively looking to see if you are anxious; they are thinking about things that are important to them.

• Have some quick and easy relaxation techniques that you can do anywhere, such as box breathing and grounding exercises.

• Actively switch your focus to what someone is saying. Do you have opinions about it - do you agree or disagree? Have you had a similar experience? Is there something you need to check or clarify?

• If you can, respond and engage in the conversation. As the conversation becomes less challenging, our anxiety reduces, and our bodies become calmer.

Build up to it

Most people feel socially anxious in some situations, such as giving a presentation or talking to a partner’s parents. Similarly, there are usually social situations where we feel more comfortable.

Find the situation you feel most comfortable with or that causes you the least anxiety. It may be with a close friend, somewhere that you are familiar with, or going somewhere where other people are around, such as the library or canteen. Wherever your baseline is, that is the starting point.

Think about the next step up from that. The library is quiet, so maybe the next step is somewhere with other people around that is more noisy. If you are meeting one other person, the next step is to increase this by meeting two people. Build up your familiarity with each step slowly.

Reduce protective habits

As you build up your social tolerance, pay attention to anything you do to protect yourself in social situations:

• Letting other people do all the talking

• Rehearsing what you will say

• Talking too fast

Practice reducing these habits or behaviours as you become more comfortable in different social situations to feel more confident about your social abilities. You will begin to feel more confident and able to tackle different situations. You may prefer smaller, quieter activities or be happy spending time alone, but if you need to, you are ready and able to interact with others.